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For years I’ve been collecting quotes that inspire me and bring healthy perspective to a life that so often leads us to forget what is really important. I think I actually read a quote somewhere that claimed something to the affect of “weak minds quote others” but I disagree….not that I’m apposed to considering my mind as weak.

Some of my favorite sources include Carl Sagan, The Dalai Lama, Aristotle, Einstein, Confucius and others. I’ve finally added a site feature that randomly displays a quote from my database in the sidebar every time the page refreshes.

These compassionate practices can be done anywhere, any time. At work, at home, on the road, while traveling, while at a store, while at the home of a friend or family member. By sandwiching your day with a morning and evening ritual, you can frame your day properly, in an attitude of trying to practice compassion and develop it within yourself. And with practice, you can begin to do it throughout the day, and throughout your lifetime. more»

1. Morning ritual. Greet each morning with a ritual. Try this one, suggest by the Dalai Lama: “Today I am fortunate to have woken up, I am alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings, I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others, I am going to benefit others as much as I can.” Then, when you’ve done this, try one of the practices below.
2. Empathy Practice. The first step in cultivating compassion is to develop empathy for your fellow human beings. Many of us believe that we have empathy, and on some level nearly all of us do. But many times we are centered on ourselves (I’m no exception) and we let our sense of empathy get rusty. Try this practice: Imagine that a loved one is suffering. Something terrible has happened to him or her. Now try to imagine the pain they are going through. Imagine the suffering in as much detail as possible. After doing this practice for a couple of weeks, you should try moving on to imagining the suffering of others you know, not just those who are close to you.
3. Commonalities practice. Instead of recognizing the differences between yourself and others, try to recognize what you have in common. At the root of it all, we are all human beings. We need food, and shelter, and love. We crave attention, and recognition, and affection, and above all, happiness. Reflect on these commonalities you have with every other human being, and ignore the differences. One of my favorite exercises comes from a great article from Ode Magazine — it’s a five-step exercise to try when you meet friends and strangers. Do it discreetly and try to do all the steps with the same person. With your attention geared to the other person, tell yourself:
   1. Step 1: “Just like me, this person is seeking happiness in his/her life.”
   2. Step 2: “Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life.”
   3. Step 3: “Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness and despair.”
   4. Step 4: “Just like me, this person is seeking to fill his/her needs.”
   5. Step 5: “Just like me, this person is learning about life.”
4. Relief of suffering practice. Once you can empathize with another person, and understand his humanity and suffering, the next step is to want that person to be free from suffering. This is the heart of compassion — actually the definition of it. Try this exercise: Imagine the suffering of a human being you’ve met recently. Now imagine that you are the one going through that suffering. Reflect on how much you would like that suffering to end. Reflect on how happy you would be if another human being desired your suffering to end, and acted upon it. Open your heart to that human being and if you feel even a little that you’d want their suffering to end, reflect on that feeling. That’s the feeling that you want to develop. With constant practice, that feeling can be grown and nurtured.
5. Act of kindness practice. Now that you’ve gotten good at the 4th practice, take the exercise a step further. Imagine again the suffering of someone you know or met recently. Imagine again that you are that person, and are going through that suffering. Now imagine that another human being would like your suffering to end — perhaps your mother or another loved one. What would you like for that person to do to end your suffering? Now reverse roles: you are the person who desires for the other person’s suffering to end. Imagine that you do something to help ease the suffering, or end it completely. Once you get good at this stage, practice doing something small each day to help end the suffering of others, even in a tiny way. Even a smile, or a kind word, or doing an errand or chore, or just talking about a problem with another person. Practice doing something kind to help ease the suffering of others. When you are good at this, find a way to make it a daily practice, and eventually a throughout-the-day practice.
6. Those who mistreat us practice. The final stage in these compassion practices is to not only want to ease the suffering of those we love and meet, but even those who mistreat us. When we encounter someone who mistreats us, instead of acting in anger, withdraw. Later, when you are calm and more detached, reflect on that person who mistreated you. Try to imagine the background of that person. Try to imagine what that person was taught as a child. Try to imagine the day or week that person was going through, and what kind of bad things had happened to that person. Try to imagine the mood and state of mind that person was in — the suffering that person must have been going through to mistreat you that way. And understand that their action was not about you, but about what they were going through. Now think some more about the suffering of that poor person, and see if you can imagine trying to stop the suffering of that person. And then reflect that if you mistreated someone, and they acted with kindness and compassion toward you, whether that would make you less likely to mistreat that person the next time, and more likely to be kind to that person. Once you have mastered this practice of reflection, try acting with compassion and understanding the next time a person treats you. Do it in little doses, until you are good at it. Practice makes perfect.
7. Evening routine. I highly recommend that you take a few minutes before you go to bed to reflect upon your day. Think about the people you met and talked to, and how you treated each other. Think about your goal that you stated this morning, to act with compassion towards others. How well did you do? What could you do better? What did you learn from your experiences today? And if you have time, try one of the above practices and exercises.

I’m reserving my impressions until I’m finished reading the book, and more importantly until I’m much more clear with my emotions on the subject.

I feel the promotion of emotional intelligence and Buddhist methods of seeking it are godd to promote, period. Especially when you consider the alternatives for people – young and old – desperate for any movement or religion with which to identify…for whatever reasons.

I should point out that I have seen Noah speak and he comes across as likable and charismatic. He did seem to be somewhat aware of, and self effacing with regard to the ironies some perceive in the Dharma Punx movement and books, but that is all I’ll say for now.

I would like to get other people’s impressions of the book and the movement though, and pass on some reader reviews I combed from Amazon.

Here are a few opinions – both good and bad – from readers who felt inclined to review the text after reading it. Like most of life, there are two sides, and the middle of the road is most likely more accurate…

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“Dharma Punx is not a how-to for aspiring Buddhists. It’s the memoir of a man who is still on his spiritual journey. Noah Levine never claims to have all the answers and seems pretty forthright in admitting he’s still learning and searching. Dharma Punx is a captivating story and worth reading.”
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“Unlike many of the reviewers, I enjoyed this book quite a bit. But I agree that it was lacking. It did not have the depth of “Youth of the Apocalypse,” for example, a book which preceded it by several years and became the manifesto for many punks finding the last TRUE REBELLION in ancient Orthodox Christianity. Youth of the Apocalypse provides a much deeper critique of Western culture and delves into more philosophical and metaphysical exploration. In fact, the more “Dharma Punx” I read, the more convinced I became that Levine got the idea for his book from “Youth of the Apocalypse,” but failed to match its quality. Overall, I recommend “Youth of the Apocalypse” as the better book (visit deathtotheworld.com for more info). ”
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“I was really looking forward to this book, so much so that when it came out I spent $18 that really should have gone towards groceries on it. I’m not a Buddhist,but have a lot of respect for Buddhism as a personal path. A Buddhist teacher who had once been a troubled punk kid like myself, writing a book? That really enticed me.

The thing is, the book really has very little to do with Buddhism or anything that really TRANSCENDS being a torubled punk kid. The book’s main value is in it’s value as a cautionary tale, which Noah never even seems to be aware of.

Noah seems to have had typical hippy parents; they were self-involved, selfish, and basicly forced him to raise himself, although he comes from an obviously well-off background. Strangely enough, Noah doesn’t seem to even realize that! He praises his parents excessively, despite that they seem to have used Buddhism and meditation as a self-medicating excuse for gross negligence in raising their kids. His parents were also friends with such despicable New Age “Buddhist” hacks as Jack Kornfield and Ram Dass, which are among the roughly 3,092 names Noah drops in this book, along with the members of Rancid, The Dalai Lama, and some semi-legendary punk figures. But I get ahead of myself.

So anyway, Noah predictably grows into a self-absorbed, amoral young man, and starts into the standard punk rock cliches of theft, fighting, and drugs. I want to digress again for a minute; though I’ve done all of these things at some point, it was NEVER what punk rock was about for me, or for thousands of other kids. Nor was Noah forced into it; he chose it, and seems perversely proud of it in his wirting, though he tries to sound contrite. He actually starts hitting the pipe before he’s 18, and gets arrested multiple times. This leads to jail, where his dad teaches him meditation.

Noah decides to get his life back on track, but still wants o be involved with the scene, so he joins the straight edge movement and starts going to meetings. This part of the book is the most down to earth, actually, and the part where Noah seems genuinely to recognize his own failings, rather than playing them up for street cred.

It doesn’t last. Noah gets into “spirituality”, in the most annoying all-inclusive new age way possible. He just embraces several mutually contradictory belief systems (all eastern), and starts hanging with gurus. He does this while continuing his punk rock life, and getting itno expensive hobbies like motorcycling. As an aside, there are MANY parts of the book where it’s clear someone is funding him, though he never brings that up.

At one point he gets disillusioned (and rightfully so) by spiritual teachers so he decides to go on a pilgrimage to Asia. Cos, you know, Asia is spirtual! This part could have been very good, and it IS interesting, but Noah ultimately doesn’t get the point; some religion being eastern and exotic doesn’t mean it has “the answer”, and travelling to someplace where it’s widely practiced doesn’t mean you’ll understand it better. He comes back to America even more egotistical than when he left, starts teaching punk kids about “The Dharma”. He also gets a lot of religiously themed tattoos, and becomes a true religious universalist; there’s no religion he won’t engage in the practies of, so he does prayer beads, sweatlodges, chanting, prasadam, and anything else that doesn’t seem too Judeo-Christian.

This book is not entirely bad, but as many other reviewers have pointed out, it has more to do with Noah and his ego than any kind of exploration of morality and spirituality. As a memoir about the early punk scene and a troubled kid, it gets a 4. As anything further, it gets a 2; there are good ideas about religion presented, ones that Noah pretty much ignores after bringing them up! We’ll compromise and call it a 3.

One last thing; I’ve met Noah, and he’s a friendly and likeable guy. I haven’t actually seen him speak, but my friend did and she said that his audience is mainly middle-age upper-class white people who enjoy his novelty value. He’s also marketing teh hell out of “Dharma Punx”, including a line of clothing. Take what you will from that.”
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“I typically don’t like to write negative reviews of books, but I felt a need to at least warn some readers of some issues I have with the book.

First, (and I know this may seem rediculous to some) there is the foul language issue. I know this is a memoir, but I could have done without all the s*#@ and f#@# and all the in-between variations. Yes, this writer had a rough background to overcome, but someone (an editor maybe) should have done a better job of cleaning it up. I thought the cursing would stop as the book progressed and his ’spiritual awareness’ increased, but… nope. It continues almost to the last few pages. Again, not a major issue with most people, but I hear it enough daily that it left a bad taste having to spend money to buy a book that could have easily done without the language.

Second, there is VERY LITTLE spiritual discussion or theory, which was surprising. I was really hoping to get more discussion of his daily activities and readings and such, to see how he got on the path. Instead, 1/3 of the book is devoted to following him through some East Asian countries and reading about his issues with dysentery and other bodily functions gone bad, his differences with friends who want to go a different route, and some of the strange characters he meets over there. All very interesting, but way too much time spent on this stuff. Instead, I was looking for some personal development discussion.

He mentions he wants to consider becoming ordained (monk/priest) but on a train he starts to have sex with a Swedish woman. He tells us about his new sense of peace, but heads out to a club and begins slam dancing with other dancers because the music is so powerful…

It’s got a good story, but for someone looking for a book on Buddhism and personal growth, it’s lacking a bit. If you’re reading this and looking for something like that, I’d recommend Lama Surya Das – either “Awakening the Buddah Within” or “Awakening to the Sacred” ”
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“I have to agree with the reviewer below who mentioned that Dharma Punx reads like somebody’s journal–and also that the book’s editor didn’t really, well, edit it. It’s really chock-full of typos and grammatical errors, which, as a punk-loving bibliophile, I find annoying rather than punk rock!

Still, the book is not without its merits. Levine’s journey from addicted troublemaker to “alternative” Buddhist is a noteworthy one, and his tone is engaging. Look, it’s apparent that Levine’s path and the publication of his book would have been much less likely without the influence of his meditation teacher/bestselling author parents, Steven and Ondrea Levine. I know that some people have cried nepotism, and to a degree that may be true. However, there’s no doubt that Levine has paid his dues rather than simply piggybacking on his parents’ success. His youthful struggles were genuinely tragic–the grip of addiction is powerful and painful for anyone at any age. Levine’s finding the strength and desire to turn his hatred and negativity around, channeling it into a force for change in his community and in the world, is admirable.

Worth checking out? Sure; it’s a much quicker read than, oh, War and Peace, and the writing’s accessible, if not particularly artful. If you’re someone who strays from the beaten path, enjoys a good hardcore show, has lots of ink AND wants to explore Eastern spirituality, this may be a good starting place for you, as it was for me.”
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“I bought this book for my brother-in-law who was befriended by Noah while he (my BIL) was in recovery from drug addiction. He met Noah while in Juvenile Hall when Noah came to teach meditation as part of the Insight Prison Project and he benefitted greatly. When I brought the book home, I flipped through a few pages and ended up reading the book cover to cover that night. It is an engaging memoir with many branches – the cautionary tale, travel, drugs, spiritual inspiration, music, loss, finding a significant path in life, and more. When I read many of the other reviews of this great book, I was surprised to see so many people trying to make this book into something it was never supposed to be. It is a memoir of ONE man’s journey from the depths toward his own version of enlightenment… If you can’t indentify with it, if you don’t appreciate the punk scene, or if your version of Buddhism involves poverty and chastity you may not enjoy the story, but that doesn’t mean this book is a waste of time. Also, again, it is a memoir, not a spiritual guidebook. If that is what you are looking for, be sure to read Noah’s new book ‘Against The Stream’. Noah does wonderful work and has helped so many people (kids AND adults)… This book provides wonderful insight into the man and into ourselves.”
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“One thing that is missing from these reviews – and indeed from the book itself, for the most part – is the acknowledgement that his father, Stephen Levine, is actually a well known Buddhist author in his own right and not merely some irresponsible Hippy, an unkind judgment that another reviewer here has made. This has much to do with why he was able to go on exotic pilgrimages, meet the Dalai Lama and get this book published. Noah and I moved in the same circles almost a decade ago, during a period of time that he writes about in this book. At that time he seemed to me very sweet and sincere. He was well thought of by people that I respected, at least one of whom appears in this book. I knew that he had been down a difficult road and thought it admirable that he seemed to have pulled himself together. In light of all this, I was somewhat surprised by the tone of self-cherishing that pervades this book, tales of service and selflessness aside. I’m sure Noah means well but, in truth, should probably have waited until he was a bit further down his path (read: Mature) to tell his story. If you want to read about Buddhism from a Punk perspective, read Brad Warner’s Hardcore Zen instead.”
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“When I saw Dharma Punx I was drawn to the promise of a story not too dissimilar to my own, but by the end of the book I was left quite disappointed. My biggest problem with Noah’s story is that he’s not really a Buddhist, but rather a generic spiritual kind of guy, who likes to meditate. Noah talks in great depths about his adherence to the 12 Steps(AA,) but doesn’t mention adherence to the Eight-Fold Path, he mentions the Four Noble Truths in passing, but spends much more time in sweat lodges. Buddhist shortcomings aside, Dharma Punx is moderately interesting story of a man’s struggle with addiction and growing up.
With a name like Dharma Punx one cannot help but comparing this book to Jack Kerouac’s Dharma Bums, but don’t, after finishing Dharma Punx I realized that the title is not an allusion to Kerouac’s classic of disenfranchised youth finding refuge in the works of Zen lunatics and booze, rather, Dharma punx is the story of disenfranchised youth finding refuge from booze, drugs and violence in an amalgamated spiritual practice the author has called Buddhism.
I don’t think that the lifestyles portrayed in either book could properly be called a middle path though.”
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“I really enjoyed this book. It’s simply told, and has a measure of honesty to it that I don’t find in more polished works. This is Noah’s story, with all his confusion, anger, puzzlement, flaws and discoveries shared with us. Having grown up hippy-trippy on California’s Central Coast, I heard echoes of my own experiences in thinking everybody was really too precious for words when they talked about Zen and buddhism, or mantras or tantras or whatever. I really appreciated the author’s willingness to to share his own dichotomies with us-in one scene he describes threatening a hostel owner with a wooden stick, while he was on a journey searching for inner peace. I heard other echoes of my own experience as well: the desire to have peace and tranquility to think on things, yet instead getting angry and restless once the opportunity is at hand, the need to feel things intensely and yet the wish to be quietly placid, or even the desire to have no desire. I read this almost like reading somebody’s REAL journal, not some edited and cleaned up literary masterpiece. The book helped me see that the path toward enlightenment starts wherever you are-for Noah it was a padded cell and taking his father’s advice to do some breathing exercises-just to get through it all, just to survive.

A word on some of the other reviews: I don’t think it’s relevant who Noah’s father was-I have several friends who have been on similar trips to monasteries, seen the Dalai Lama, etc. who have no connections, and the author was very up-front with his interactions with his father-good and bad. He even talks about some of the negative things he experienced when people disliked his father’s writings.

In the end, this is Noah’s story, but I also found echoes of my own experiences. I found it insightful, honest, and pure.”
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“A friend of mine gave me this book as a gift to read while we were on a weekend fasting/spiritual retreat. I had never tried such a weekend and she felt reading this book might interest me. I have read a bit about various religions and know a bit about punk – but never would consider myself an expert on either. However as soon as I started reading it I almost felt instantly bonded with Noah. I have always found solace in music and my mother has always tried to teach me about different religions. She always attended meditation groups while I felt more comfortable in a mosh pit at metal shows. I enjoyed the combination of Noah’s love of music combined with his spiritual quests. I also found it interesting reading how a young man who so quickly was willing to jump into a mosh pit wrote about his challenges when he ‘jumped’ into religion. How many times have we all underestimated a challenge, to me he wrote about how a journey of a 1,000 miles begins with one step and how important it is to recognize that first step. The first step he took was a simple meditation practice of counting breathes – something I now find myself doing all the time. Personally I found it a very enjoyable read. I wasn’t looking for a ‘formal’ education on Buddhism, but I found myself very interested in learning about Noah’s journey.”
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“This memoir is one which I could not put down from the moment I picked it up, and knew it was one I would carry with me forever. For anyone who has experienced anything close to what Noah went through, this book gives you a ray of light at the end of a tunnel. I don’t think this book was meant to be a bible for Buddhist; I think it is meant to be a guide for those who are struggling with an addiction and are trying to find answers. I went to one of Noah’s meditation workshops, and there were so many parents there to listen to him talk and ask him questions concerning their own children. This book has had a great impact on many, so disregard the negative feedback many have given this book. People who are trying to make sense of thier own addiction, or that of someone they love, this book will answer a lot of your questions. Also, go to one of Noah’s workshops if you get a chance-it was a really great experience.”
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“Maybe I have not been to any BlackFlag shows or the Germs or seen the Ramones live or whatever. But, I did grow up listening to a lot of punk in the subcontinent when I was growing up, minus the drugs and fights, because, they cost you a lot and in some karmic sense, real punks from working class backgrounds couldn’t afford those things, getting a tape and a crappy tape-deck was a big deal.
I read this book on a suggestion from a friend, if I wanted to do something for a cause, I wouldn’t charge people for it, or write an expensive book. Nothing personal with that author, but really despite his claims of being a true punk till the last page, he’s just backed up a lot his rich family, the same way he despised the NorthFace accoutred neo-hippies.
In a majority of ways, he just barely grasps the essentials of eastern philosophy. Anyone who’s objectively read about Hinduism or Buddhism can start seeing holes in his statements right from the word “mosh!!” How accurate would it be if I wrote a review of a BlackFlag show without having actually been to one?
The authors aspirations are noble, I’m really glad to see that positive stance he’s taken but he’s highly inaccurate in a millon ways especially when it comes to philosophy. He’s not built for that, however harsh it may sound.
Also, there a couple of other good books which talk about the fight with drugs and anti-establishment views and the whole punk-scence. Parts of the book just don’t fit together, it has some fake feel to it.
I would suggest people either stick with the Beat Generation authors who were originals or stick with true punk-ethics like the zine CometBus.
Punk is a pure ethic, a kind of philosophy, it’s association with drugs and violence is entirely accurate.
Buddhism and Hinduism are thousands of years old, and even people who spend their whole considering the amazing ambuiguity of these streams of thought are not entirely clear and that’s why they are considered as religions/philosophies.
A short mixture of dark-side of punk life, some WalMart-type fix of immediate spirutality and an uninformed close minded Westerner’s half-baked views about things which he fails to understand is all this book is about.
The initial pages are quite riveting, he is honest about the rawness of punk life and it’s ethics, doesn’t sugar coat it, but when he starts getting to spirituality, he starts getting biased and kind of smug, not a typical Buddhist, but all religions would welcome those important dollar donations
It’s a decent read, but I wouldn’t own the book unless it was available for under a dollar.
yuppies, reading in a StarBucks shop, if you have to reach people you have make anything useful affordable to them.
Capitalism could be innate.”
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I don’t want to sound overly critical, but I just can’t bear the thought that people would actually see this as being a good book, let alone a spiritual instruction manual.
Poor little rich punk Noah grows up in the “tough streets” of Santa Cruz, then falls prey to drugs and alcohol to fit in with the tough kids. He gets 12 stepped, then proceeds to transform himself into some kind a of sober, quasi-Buddhist messiah. He also likes to talk about all of the famous people in “the scene” he knows. Wow Noah! You know Rancid!? Neat!

Please don’t waste your time. Read Brad Warner’s book if you want a decent “young person’s” outlook of the Buddha.
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more reviews here:

http://www.amazon.com/review/product/0060008954/ref=cm_cr_pr_link_2?%5Fencoding=UTF8&pageNumber=2

Globally human populations are growing, trade is increasing, and living standards are rising for many. But, according to the UN’s latest Global Environment Outlook report, long-term problems including climate change, pollution, access to clean water, and the threat of mass extinctions are being met with “a remarkable lack of urgency”. more»

via about: link
Conventional wisdom (and research) says that good communication can improve relationships, increasing intimacy, trust and support. The converse is also true: poor communication can weaken bonds, creating mistrust and even contempt! Here are some examples of negative and even destructive attitudes and communication patterns that can exacerbate conflict in a relationship. How many of these sound like something you’d do?

1. Avoiding Conflict Altogether:
Rather than discussing building frustrations in a calm, respectful manner, some people just don’t say anything to their partner until they’re ready to explode, and then blurt it out in an angry, hurtful way. This seems to be the less stressful route—avoiding an argument altogether—but usually causes more stress to both parties, as tensions rise, resentments fester, and a much bigger argument eventually results. It’s much healthier to address and resolve conflict.

2. Being Defensive:
Rather than addressing a partner’s complaints with an objective eye and willingness to understand the other person’s point of view, defensive people steadfastly deny any wrongdoing and work hard to avoid looking at the possibility that they could be contributing to a problem. Denying responsibility may seem to alleviate stress in the short run, but creates long-term problems when partners don’t feel listened to and unresolved conflicts and continue to grow.

3. Overgeneralizing:
When something happens that they don’t like, some blow it out of proportion by making sweeping generalizations. Avoid starting sentences with, “You always…” and “You never…”, as in, “You always come home late!” or “You never do what I want to do!” Stop and think about whether or not this is really true. Also, don’t bring up past conflicts to throw the discussion off-topic and stir up more negativity. This stands in the way of true conflict resolution, and increases the level of conflict.

4. Being Right:
It’s damaging to decide that there’s a ‘right’ way to look at things and a ‘wrong’ way to look at things, and that your way of seeing things is right. Don’t demand that your partner see things the same way, and don’t take it as a personal attack if they have a different opinion. Look for a compromise or agreeing to disagree, and remember that there’s not always a ‘right’ or a ‘wrong’, and that two points of view can both be valid.

5. “Psychoanalyzing” / Mind-Reading:
Instead of asking about their partner’s thoughts and feelings, people sometimes decide that they ‘know’ what their partners are thinking and feeling based only on faulty interpretations of their actions—and always assume it’s negative! (For example, deciding a late mate doesn’t care enough to be on time, or that a tired partner is denying sex out of passive-aggressiveness.) This creates hostility and misunderstandings.

6. Forgetting to Listen:
Some people interrupt, roll their eyes, and rehearse what they’re going to say next instead of truly listening and attempting to understand their partner. This keeps you from seeing their point of view, and keeps your partner from wanting to see yours! Don’t underestimate the importance of really listening and empathizing with the other person!

7. Playing the Blame Game:
Some people handle conflict by criticizing and blaming the other person for the situation. They see admitting any weakness on their own part as a weakening of their credibility, and avoid it at all costs, and even try to shame them for being ‘at fault’. Instead, try to view conflict as an opportunity to analyze the situation objectively, assess the needs of both parties and come up with a solution that helps you both.

8. Trying to ‘Win’ The Argument:
I love it when Dr. Phil says that if people are focused on ‘winning’ the argument, “the relationship loses”! The point of a relationship discussion should be mutual understanding and coming to an agreement or resolution that respects everyone’s needs. If you’re making a case for how wrong the other person is, discounting their feelings, and staying stuck in your point of view, your focused in the wrong direction!

9. Making Character Attacks:
Sometimes people take any negative action from a partner and blow it up into a personality flaw. (For example, if a husband leaves his socks lying around, looking it as a character flaw and label him ‘inconsiderate and lazy’, or, if a woman wants to discuss a problem with the relationship, labeling her ‘needy’, ‘controlling’ or ‘too demanding’.) This creates negative perceptions on both sides. Remember to respect the person, even if you don’t like the behavior.

10. Stonewalling:
When one partner wants to discuss troubling issues in the relationship, sometimes people defensively stonewall, or refuse to talk or listen to their partner. This shows disrespect and, in certain situations, even contempt, while at the same time letting the underlying conflict grow. Stonewalling solves nothing, but creates hard feelings and damages relationships. It’s much better to listen and discuss things in a respectful manner.

http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=prnw.20060905.LATU045&show_article=1

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Via The Inner Actor: When asked about narcissism and being an actor, Ben Affleck admitted, “I’d say it’s the one quality that unites everybody in the film industry, whether you’re an actor, a producer, a director, or a studio executive. You want people to look at you and love you and go, ‘Oh, you’re wonderful.’

But, he continued, “It’s a nightmare. Narcissism is the part of my personality that I am the least proud of, and I certainly don’t like to see it highlighted in everybody else I meet.” [Interview mag., Dec. 1997]. more»

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http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6WM0-4K9C558-2&_user=10&_coverDate=10%2F31%2F2006&_rdoc=1&_fmt=&_orig=search&_sort=d&view=c&_acct=C000050221&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=10&md5=1d33f8aac7af63067891aed78733d930

link to article here…

Glad I hit this instead of the PRG party. Venue: W+K(sweeeeet), attendees: 300+ design and technology folk….18 speakers, 5 minutes each, slides change every 15 seconds. Speakers handled subjects ranging from social software evolution and the history of the button, to lighter subjects like the virtues of keeping chickens and a primer on unicycling.

It was an opportunity to eat some great food, mingle with some great people, and finally get a good look at the inside of Weiden + Kennedy so how could I resist? Heard some fascinating talks, met some really fascinating people….my neurons are on fire. Can’t wait for next year. Frankly I was just happy to get a chance to talk with some of the people that were there. The interior of W+K was equally impressive.

Review:

• Renny Gleeson: What is Ignite?
• Steve Morris: How to put together an investor presentation
• Urban Scout: Rewilding. The process of undoing domestication
• Adam Duvander: Simplicity, create killer products and live a saner life
• Audrey Eschright: Why knitting is a good hobby for geeks
• Kevin Tate: Emergence In Business
• Scott Huber: I know more about Russell Davies than I do about my boss sitting across from me.
• Crystal Beasley: How to make a proper southern meal
• Scott Kveton: Free beef and clean bathrooms: the irrelevance of Web 2.0
• MJ: Unicycling for a wicked-good time
• Selena Deckelmann: Are surveys useful?
• Bill DeRouchey: The History of the Button.
• Keith Gerr: Identity and brand development strategies for a wired world
• Sarah Gilbert: How keeping chickens will save your life
• MarcoPolo: You Give Good TXT: How to Talk to Someone Romantically Online
• Justin Kistner: Decentralized social network standards
• Hideshi Hamaguchi: How to live like Japanese in Portland
• Douglas Wolk: The Complete and Utter History of the Numa Numa Dance

more»

The big questions of vocation, identity, relationships, how we use our talents for ourselves and the world, how we define and nurture authentic happiness – we may never “solve” those questions permanently, but they can be particularly intense in our twenties. Perhaps especially for people who are the most capable and talented.

That period of life can be the best time to passionately and honestly explore what you want to do, and what you want your life to mean.

The quote by Christine Hassler is from her book 20-Something, 20-Everything: A Quarter-life Woman’s Guide to Balance and Direction, for which she interviewed more than 300 women. more»

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Via Alternet: A little smug self-absorption might be a time-honored trait of at least some subsets of the under-30 crowd. But over the past few decades the prevailing disposition among college students — today labeled Generation Y or Millennials — has slid into full-blown narcissism, according to a study released.

But others — including proponents of the self-esteem movement, workforce experts, and students invited to assess the study’s unflattering mirror — take issue with the apparent lack of nuance in the study, still being reviewed for publication in a scholarly journal.

Still, according to the study, 30 percent more college students showed “elevated narcissism” in 2006 compared with 1982. Over 25 years, researchers have posed a series of “narcissistic personality inventory” questions, each with two possible answers, to more than 16,000 students, with the latest survey conducted last year.

Millennials themselves don’t completely reject the new label. But they offer some modifications.

“I know people who are attention- seekers and only think about themselves,” writes Jessica Riggin, a sophomore at California State University, Monterey Bay, in Seaside, Calif. In an e-mail, she attributes the behavior mainly to overconsumption of low-brow media, which leads to crass celebrity-emulation among many of her peers. She doesn’t buy in. “I don’t care who Anna Nicole’s baby’s father is,” she writes, “and I don’t care who’s admitting themself [sic] into rehab.”

Some of the Twenge-study answers meant to indicate narcissism (“I like to be the center of attention,” for example) actually strike Ms. Keyser as “signals of somebody who is feeling insecure.”

Self-esteem today is often approached in terms of “personal worth” — feeling good about oneself, says Chris Mruk, professor of psychology at Bowling Green State University in Ohio. But feeling good about oneself without demonstrating competence, he adds, does lead to narcissism. more»